Family by Design ~ "Aging- Out & No Where to Go"

Aging- OUT and No Where to Go!

Close your eyes and picture this!

It's your 18th birthday. You want nothing more than to be surrounded by the ones who love you and support you. To have their blessing as you walk into adulthood with confidence, fully prepared for the world ahead. Instead the home you are in is the 7th one in the last 10 years and you are told "it is time to go". No celebration, no preparation, no information and no support. You are thrown to the wolves and expected to suck it up and figure it out. No one took the time over the last 15+ years to prepare you for life. This is what happens to almost 20k youth every year on their 18th birthday. Happy Birthday!

This is a problem that many don't acknowledge or even know exist. All around us are the very youth we say are our future but we have not prepared them to live a life of success, achievement and fulfillment. Instead, many of them fall into a cycle of poverty, homelessness and substance abuse. How can we change this?

It requires that we get outside of ourselves and deal with the issues that are affecting the future of our society. Those youth will one day be adults and we expect them to live responsible and passionate lives. That will only happen if we train, teach and love them while they are in our care. When I say care, I mean foster care. Having Foster Parents that are passionate about changing children's lives and not just a roof over their head. Mentors to stand up an say that your future means something to me. Many may say that you cannot save the world and even if many of us did get involved in the life of 1 youth that it would not make a big difference in the numbers. One youth aging out of foster care is one too many. We can all make a difference in the life of a youth.

Hats off to many programs, both private and governmental, that have begun to get aggressive in this area. What these programs need are volunteers like you and me to say "we care" and we can do something! We can become a family for someone that does not have one. Do you have to adopt to do this? No! You just have to care.

Who will be there for high school graduation?

Who will walk her down the aisle?

Who will teach her how to value herself?

Who will show him how to value a lady?

Who will show them how to care for themselves?

Who will celebrate their accomplishments?

So you see, adoption may not be the option at the moment, but we can ALL make a difference!

6 Comments to Family by Design ~ "Aging- Out & No Where to Go":

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Jean Hamburg on Monday, October 10, 2011 11:24 PM

I have long been aware of this disturbing fact of life in foster care as we know it. Unacceptable, unnecessary. There are, thankfully, many unsung 'heroes' who continue to include their foster children in their families, long after 'the state' is done. Awareness of the often devastating 18th birthday travesty is a must. Thank you for your article!

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Julia Neiman on Tuesday, October 11, 2011 12:48 AM

In Los Angeles, it's 64% of youth who age out end up homeless or in jail within the first year. I've worked with transition youth for a handful of years now and with teens in group homes prior to that. I was the one who went to high school graduations, helped kids go to prom and even went to Great Lakes, Illinois for graduation from boot camp. I'm still parenting some of my youth who are now mid 20s to 30 years old. Thank goodness we now how have a transition program where kids can stay in their foster homes or in transitional housing until the age of 21. It still isn't enough. As you addressed in your article, we need more caring adults to provide the training that our youth need. And we need to start earlier. Thank you for your thoughtful article.

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Susan Ripley on Wednesday, October 12, 2011 9:11 PM

As we speak, I have a 25 year old sitting on the couch watching TV with me and my family. He used to be one of my "kids" when I was a worker years ago and as I've moved up into a management position these kids held on to me as a constant in their life. Counselors that work with these kids can also be a support for our youth, giving them the tools to be successful when they age out but also giving them someone to always turn to for advice or just cookies on a Wednesday night :)

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Christie on Thursday, October 27, 2011 8:47 AM

This is an important issue. Thank you for writing it. The statistics for kids who age out in the U.S. are not much better than those who age out of the orphanages in Eastern Europe at 16. It is a shame really. The possibilities out there, and potential for success is great, if more people can be made aware of the problem. I know people who think that foster kids remain on permanent welfare or something like that. Why they think this, I don't know... and at the same time, IF that were true, it SURE is NOT a good thing! I knew of a family who had planned to start a program for aged out kids in the Dallas area, but have since moved to Cambodia to do orphanage work. What are your ideas for helping aged out children (young adults)? This is something on our hearts.

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Carl on Saturday, December 10, 2011 1:42 PM

Hi. Plz. help me to help an 'aging out' child! I am a single adult male (mid-40s, healthy, stable) interested in opening my home and life to ADOPT an 18 yr. [white male(s) preferred, mild-mod. special needs acceptable, siblings/twins 18-18, 18-19 etc. ok also, either in CA or interstate possible] who is due to 'age out' or has recently emancipated from Foster Care, currently living in a group home, left a foster family, currently seeking services from a shelter, etc. I have done MUCH research, however, although there are articles and organizations taking on the 'role' of helping such individuals - which is great of course - there does not seem to be a 'resource' or listing of profiles or a current/maintained photolisting for such young adults who may still want to be adopted (like there are for younger kids up for adoption)! Does anyone know of such a resource/listing please? I can only imagine that there must be other folks such as myself that could assist w/this general problem through adult adoption! It seems to me this would be an ideal win-win opportunity for a young adult in need (likely having waited years to be adopted only to be 'heart broken'/disappointed due to 'aging out') and my desire to commit to, care for, support, guide, share, and love a young man as a son (that I currently do not have, but so desire). Any contacts, names, resources, direction or suggestions would be most appreciated. In summary, where are all the 18 yr olds we know need/want one-on-one help/care and a family (and how to 'connect' w/them to learn their 'story' and perhaps offer my 'availability'?) that are no longer in Foster Care (or their 17 soon to be 'on their own') wanting a forever home through legal adoption? I am willing, able, and very interested, but not sure who can help or where to look to make this a reality - for me and a deserving young man. Peace. Thank you for reading and for any assistance w/this effort.

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	Susan on Tuesday, January 03, 2012 3:42 PM Carl, How wonderful that you want to adopt an older child or young adult! There are some of us working specifically with this population and looking for adoptive families for them. Some are on AdoptUSKids (although as they get older, many children don't want to be on such websites). But probably no organization is going to be looking specifically for people to do adult adoptions because the organization would have no direct role in that process and thus concern about how they could ensure appropriateness of the prospective adoptive parent. I'd suggest getting involved with an organization that works with older teens in care and/or does teen adoptions as a way to meet young people - you might connect with a young person who wants to be adopted at 17 or 18 or develop a supportive relationship with a young person aging out that could ultimately lead to adoption. For many older teens it takes time to get to know an adult and trust enough that they'd let that person be their parent. I used to work for an organization called Kidsave which has a program in LA helping older children find adoptive families (www.kidsave.org). They work with them right up until they age out of care. If you're in southern CA, check them out.

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