Our NEW Normal!
Well, I have not blogged in a while. Sorry I have been a little busy with adding 3 children to our family and all. My last blog post was about us enjoying the adoption honeymoon while it lasted. I am here to tell you that it is over. The honeymoon is done and we could not be happier. After a couple gets married and goes on their honeymoon, it is then time to jump into REAL LIFE. We are now 3 weeks from finalization for our latest 3 blessings and all hell is breaking loose around here. Can I just be real?
The Newest 3 Kids (6,5 & 4)
Over all things have been pretty smooth but emotions are flying all over the place from sib group A and sib group B. The fight for positioning, power, influence and attention is in full effect. Being 1 of 6 has pretty interesting dynamics for sure. We have had major tantrums, arguments, lying, food hoarding, defiant potty habits,
and plenty of grieving, tears and questions going on over here. All for good reason. I have 6 babies who have been heartbroken and only know how to cope in certain ways. Convincing children who have been abandoned, abused and neglected that this home, these parents and this life WILL BE DIFFERENT, takes a lot of time and compassion. We are in it for them and their future....NO MATTER WHAT!
Why am I glad the honeymoon is over? Now the healing can begin. The children are no longer trying to be perfect for fear of being sent to a 6th home. They know that if they poop on the floor or pee in the closet even if they are 4, 5 & 6 that they will not be abused because they have parents that understand why they are doing it. They know that they will not be dealt with harshly for hoarding, stealing and hiding food because mom and dad know why they feel the need to do it. They feel safe to be themselves and that messing up does not mean the end for them like it has in previous homes. They are finally HOME!
The Oldest 3 Kids- adopted in 2006 (10, 9 & 7)
WOW! I think I was a little naive as to how in depth the impact would be on our older children who were all adopted in 2006 as toddlers and an infant. In the beginning they were ecstatic to have new playmates and boy was my oldest daughter (10) excited to have another girl in the family. Well, the honeymoon is over for them as well. My youngest from this group was the baby for 7 years. Being trumped by 3 younger kids was a bit of a shock for him. I must say that he has handled his new role as BIG bro like a trooper, however there are times when he needs to be "the baby"and we always make accommodations for that. The oldest child and only girl from this group thought she was getting a doll to dress up and command. What she got instead was a very spunky, outspoken little sister that doesn't take any crap. Not exactly what she was thinking......they either adore each other or are determined to be each other's worst nightmare depending on the day, time and position of the moon. Big Bro from this group does not overtly show his reaction, however it usually shows in behavior and undertone of attitude........we have had quite a lot of attitude lately. If you asked them if they love their new siblings the answer would be a resounding "YES". However everyone is getting use to the dynamics of 6 children in the home all dealing with their own past, experiences and feelings while trying to find their "place" in the family.
Whew! Where do I begin? Going from a family of 5 to a family of 8 (6 kids under 10) overnight is no small mountain to climb. We are exhausted most of the time! We are on a roller coaster of emotions and parenting decisions from day to day. Homeschooling 6 children in 6 different grades with several different learning styles is quite the task. There are tears, and laughter, ninjas and Barbies and running and boo boos and lots of love to go around. Second guessing your choices when handling situations is an everyday thing. We are a team and we are in this to see that our 6 little beauties have the best life possible NO MATTER WHAT! Answering their questions about their past (that can only REALLY be answered by their birth families) can be an ongoing jigsaw puzzle.
So we are thankful that the honeymoon is over and we are jumping in head first into our new normal and giving everything we have to these little people. IT IS SO WORTH THE TIME, ENERGY, TEARS and WORK! We are thankful and our hearts are full...........and we are not done!